Traditions

I am writing some follow through s to my post the other day. Weddings are such grand events. Probably because it goes with the assumption that " an individual gets married only once(usually) in a lifetime.. kaya nga sabi ni Fr. Pernia sa amin then, "marriage is a lifetime commitment. You both have the time to think twice, thrice before commiting yourself to this till death do us part promise."
Prior to the wedding, we have the "pamanhikan" wherein the man formally announces his intent to marry the lass and request for permission and blessing from the parents and family.
Jim went through this initial step. I am very aware of his nervousness I could actually feel his palpitations. I sat beside him but he sat facing both Papa and Mama. He has a mountain to climb; I am the oldest daughter to be given away and the oldest granddaughter on the Rosete side.
I gave him a cheat sheet of possible questions and strong suggestions my parents could give. Papa and Mama both were very calm (surprise)while it was nervewracking on my part.
We compromised on a lot of stuff - from the venue, to the ninongs and ninangs, to the guests, to the menus etcetera etcetera etcetera.
My wedding gown was sewn by Tiya Thelma Evangelista, the sister of Tiya Patro, both from Agno. There was haggling on how much she can splurge for the gown. Diyos ko - anya metten. She was very precise with the measurements. I never saw my gown not until the wedding day itself. Tradition dictates the bride does not fit the gown before the wedding. If she does, the wedding might not push through. The gown was a dream - I should credit Tiya Thelma for that.
Jim wore a barong bought by a friend from Batangas and sewn by Mang Emong - our favorite sastre at Project 8. Nabibi-it nga kasarita no am-am-mom itti agda-it maibaga amin nga kayat.
The groom to be usually foots the bill for the entire affair. The exact opposite is the practise here in the States. We have two boys - lucky, lucky, lucky. I don't foresee that to happen in the near future (if I have my way, sabay keeping my fingers crossed).
Since we can not accomodate everybody for the reception, Papa and Mama prepared dinner at home. Na-im-imas pay itti makan idiay balay compared to what we had sa reception. Most of the reception crowd were also at home that evening. Adda met dagiti cousins and pamangkins, kababayans and kaibigans that we really want to be with in this special occasion.
Kaya nga weddings are meant to be once in a lifetime (kung minsan) kasi napakagastos ito na i-orchestrate. Meron talaga kaming dugong intsik since we chose the color red as motif for Chinese tradition says red is for good luck.
We also opted for 01 08 83 - gusto namin ng maraming 0 - never ending good luck. I just don't remember if we went by the lunar calendar. Most probably kabilugan din ng buwan noon.

26th and Counting

These pictures were taken exactly 26 years ago - January 8, 1983. That seemed like ..sabi ni Tiya Dely , " kahapon lamang" sabi rin ni Florante, parang kailan lang.
I still remember the events prior to the big day. Jim and I planned the whole affair. The initial set-up was to hold the ceremony at the Church of The Risen Lord at UP. Since he goes to the taga-bassit church (Aglipayan Church at Agno) and I go to the big church (Catholic Church) we agreed to have an ecumenical wedding.
Madi ni Papa ken Mama. So we requested Fr. John Pernia, his brother in law and the chaplain at the Camp Aguinaldo Church, to be our celebrant. Linakad na tapno awan bayadan mi idiay simba-an ken discounted amin nga gastusen mi. Talagang nagtipid kami to the max since we have a shoestring budget.

In lieu of gifts, we requested for moolah. An auntie and uncle gave us a weekend at the Philippine Plaza while another uncle and auntie gave us a weekend at Banaue. I had one bridesmaid (my sister) and one flower girl (my cousin Elza).
Our reception was very tame and we really counted "heads" (read the invitees). My parents were not very enthused with the idea of limiting the guests. No ni Papa itti masurot, maimbitaran amin nga taga-Laud ken taga-Daya. I had my way this time.
A friend offered his services to be our photographer while a cousin served as video man.
It was an orchestrated family affair. It could have easily gotten out of hand (goodness considering how big Jim's family is and how extended my family was). Siguro nasisiya-at no idiay Agno laengen itti daya. Mabalin nga buluden dagiti tugaw idiay High School ta ikabil idiay Eskina. Maimbitaran amin nga mayat umigop itti napudot nga sabaw.

Learning To Fly

One thing good with hanging out with one's kids is learning and appreciating their grooves (ika nga). Though we are a couple of years apart, my boys and I have a couple of common denominators, one particular subject we enjoy is music.
Both boys are into classical music but most of the time they have their world surrounded by these people - ColdPlay, John Mayer, RKelley. One particular musician we all like is RKelley. He has a specific song that I can very much relate to - I Believe I Can Fly; which brings me to my first-day-of-the-year post this morning.
I am attaching a letter that Jim and I wrote in connection with James' application as a foreign exchange student to France next year.

If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it
I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly

On his own volition, without seeking our permission, this 16 year old boy applied to be an exchange student. We eventually found out later on. Since he was needing a letter from the parents, he eventually informed us of his plans.

My initial reaction was "ugh.. where was my right to say yes or no?" I felt stripped off my ability as a parent to put my stamp pad on my children's lives. Was I not supposed to be making decisions too? Apparently not. It was very daunting for me to finally realize that I really have no hold on what happens to my kids. We, as parents, do help in shaping up how they become. These "shaping ups" do bear fruits when they grow up. Fruits, either good enough to eat or rotten bad to the core to throw away.
Jim does put it nicely. We, as parents, are mere caretakers of our children. The time that these boys spend with us are just stopovers (kasla istasyon) of their journey to life.
Our recommendation letter summed it all. We can not hold him back. He needs to " spread his wings and fly". Kasla nasapa unay.. kunak met. Mabalin ngata nga "later on" laeng ngen? We still want to savor his presence as a kid here at home. Nakaro nga sadot na no pinag-linis itti kwarto na itti aramidin. Ngem nakaro nga ga-get na met uray saan nga maturog itti Sabado no ag-ay-ayam itti x-box with his friends.
Siguro kasta met itti kuna ni Papa ken Mama iddi mang-rugi ak nga agtayab rumuwar idiay balay mi. My turn to know how it felt then for them.

By the way, he was accepted to go.

This was James then with Papa and Mama


This is James Now (taken in Beijing, China last summer)